I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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