The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
