He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This house was built for laser tag.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
