Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
