I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
