Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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