you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
