dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
