u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
