TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
