Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
