This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
