there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
