The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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