last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
