fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
