I wanna bring you to show and tell
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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