just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
