the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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