my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
