you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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