It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
True strength comes from lack of pants
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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