So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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