Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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