I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
