that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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