No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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