The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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