She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
