I want to stick my p in your. b.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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