her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
