that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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