I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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