god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
