Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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