So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize