Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
