sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize