i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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