I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
