look no pants
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
