Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
