its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
