Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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