I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
