walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
