it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
