So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
