I want to have your abortion
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
