so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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