I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
