You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
