I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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