I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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