tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
