what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
