It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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