I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
