i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
