his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
