Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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