I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
