no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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