Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Let's get the cat blown out
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
