Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
stop calling my apartment porn island.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
