Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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