sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
