My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
