I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
where are my eyebrows?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
