Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
