I wanna bring you to show and tell
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
