Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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