He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
