good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
