I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
