I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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