Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
