Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
