You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
FUCK WHALES
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