Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
