So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
