our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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