Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
