I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
