I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
