Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
