just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
