I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
