What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
