fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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