you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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