Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
