yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
