This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
