You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
