For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
