If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
