dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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