glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
