Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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