But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
