his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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