I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
